oh man, am I in a bad state of things today. the good news is that I got someone to cover my shift on sunday, so I will have time to work on my profile. The bad news is that I don't actually have anyone to profile! I thought I did, but now I am having some serious doubts. This sucks, hard. I don't have the energy to find another interesting person I don't know, so I think I will just ask one of my professors. I am burnt out with school. I hope next quarter will be easier.

so, next quarter I am taking:

writing fiction
writing poetry
german poetry
intermediate german

that's two writing classes and two german classes and two poetry classes! weird, right? I know. I guess it will be an enlightening quarter for me. Or possibly full of failure. Or both.

Yeah so I got a way better score on my Dylan midterm rewrite--went from 88 to 96!!! After agonizing on it for so long and having to pull an all-nighter because I chose to start from scratch with it, this is very welcome news. My TA loves me so much, it's not even funny. Just kidding, it is. He write things like "lovely" and "amazing" in the margins (he also writes things like "cliche" and "awkward" but lets overlook that for the time being) and then on the back he says that the paper was "a vision." No joke, he wrote that. Then he goes, "really, wow." haha! I have recently come to the realization that I am really good at being teacher's pet. I always have been, my whole entire life. I was not one of those genius kids who does bad in school as a kid but later on turns out to be a nobel prize winner. Instead, my first grade teacher told me i would be famous some day, and my senior year english teacher ssaid that students like me keep her teaching. There is a big difference, you see, but I have yet to determine how it will play out in terms of overall brilliance. haha. Anyway this is the kind of ego-building crap I am up against. No wonder I'm such a terrible person who writes blogs about her good grades. But what I'm trying to prove, I hope, is not that I am some brilliant writer, because I read the essay over again and it was still pretty not that good in my opinion, but rather that I am a nerdy teacher's pet who goes to office hours and wins over her TAs, in an academic sense anyway, and not a romantic one, unfortunately.

I could smell my whole day away

Now because my teeth don't bite
I can take 'em out dancin
I could take my little teeth out
and I could show them a real good time
tralalala

Wow, what a great week in television. Thanks so much for keeping me from doing my homework in order to tell me what Jack's tattoo means, and what purgatory is really like. I feel so satisfied now. PSYCHE!

screw you, ABC writers! You insult my intelligence and waste my time!

It really doesn't get much better than this.

"When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole lotta sonnets"

"There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near."

"Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike"



...more on that later.

help!

I think I have an addictive personality, but only when it comes to certain substances. Instead of cigarettes or vodka, though, it's things like pineapple, sour patch kids, and form of overly salted nut, and avacados. Put any of these things in front of me and watch me lose all self control. I will steal sour patch kids out of the bins in the supermarket, eat a pound of pistachios in one weekend, or, like tonight, devourand entire package of dehydrated pineapples in one sitting. I really should just give up delicious things for lent, and only allow myself to eat things which I do not like, like mushrooms and really dry chicken. haha. that would be hilarious. anyway about that essay...

Lions and Tigers and Bears

...but especially bears. Like OMG soooooo cute.


this elephant was amazing, it painted a picture and did tricks for us, also was really cute.


hmm giraffes are tall.


soooo sexy. like woah.


he has a blue bill!!!!!! eeeeee!


this panda's bra doesn't fit well, she should go on what not to wear.


leader of the pack (vroom vroom)


duh.



I love animals!!! I think I enjoyed the zoo way more today than I ever did as a kid. Back then I was so unimpressed, but I guess I haven't thought about animals for a long time, really, and today I found everything to be so incredible. Like, bears?! Holy crap! Have you ever realized how much cooler brown bears are than grizzly bears?! Soooo much fatter and bigger and more huggable. Potentially.

Me and my valentine:



<3<3<3<3<3

One of those blogs where I give you a detailed account of my day, and even though you couldn't care less, you feel compelled to read the entire thing.

Today was a good day. I slept through german class and woke up at 11 instead, only to find two glorious emails waiting for me, announcing that half of my afternoon classes had been canceled! Such emails are, in my opinion, along with packages n the mail, the very definition of happiness. So all I had to do was sit in my writing class and my bitish lit discussion, and was done with class by 3 instead of six. I spent my down time watching Extras and napping, until I was woken up by a phone call, the basic content of which was something along the lines of, "meet us in the parking lot, we're going to punjabi tandoor!" Hells yeah I will meet you in the parking lot for punjabi tandoor, I said. That's not true, by the way--it was more like uuuuuugh I dont feel like waking up but who am i kidding, I can't say no to that. anyway, we went, and ate lots of oily stuff and this great lamb thing and some delicious fried rice type dish only spicier and more yellow. we got home just in time to store our many leftovers in the fridge and then head down to price center for the vagina monologues. It was very well done, and I was pleasantly surprised. Some questionable philosophy, yes, but not overall, and they had this movie at the beginning where they went around campus and interviewed people about what their vag would wear if it had clothes, what kind of party it would throw, what it would say if it could talk, etc. It was solid gold, especially because we knew many of the interviewees (one of whom was jason babineu of Etiwanda High School fame, and who is apparently just as much of a superstar here at UCSD--weird! oh yeah, also, alvina chow was one of the vag monologuers, which was also weird fro me, but she did a good job). After the vag mons, as we dubbed them during the night, we went over to earl's for coffee and strolled back to the apartment with it, after making a pit stop at sungod lounge, which i guess is open all night (?) and has a very eerie flourescent vibe that i like. At home we ate some of our leftovers and then we watched I <3 Huckabees, which obviously was good times--yes. no. time, not space. no I don't know what you're talking about.-- classic. Then, and don't lose interest here, because this is the best part, we went over to mandeville and played on the newly erected see-saw! It's quite amazing really, totally homemade out of a tree stump and a long board painted red with blue knobs to hang on to. the board is not connected to the stump, which some people seemed to find alarming, but i thought added to the fun immensely. Here, I'll show you:




There was also a very climbable tree next to it, which I climed, kind of, or at least enough to take some pictures of me sitting in it, and in this facebook culture, that's all that really matters, right?



Anyway it turned out that Yasha and Sarah had never been to the graffiti covered stairwell in mandeville, so we went and looked at that, and then messed around in the middle part of mandeville for a while, looking at all the weird little artsy surprises down there. I found myself wishing that I were an artist so that i could spend my time down there drawing on the walls and such, or at least that they would have writing classes in that area to make us feel cooler. But alas, we must take what we can get, namely, HSS.

Cotixan's nachos are seriously the best ever. Yasha Charmander and I shared one order, which was 5 dollars, and it was the perfect amount of nacho goodness. You should keep in mind, when I say that, that the one orderof nachos comes on what is virtually a platter. It's huge and amazing, and ten times better once you drench it in that incredible hot sauce. Next time anyone visits me, we are eating these nachos. Or not, more for me!


(we like the red one)

The essay is maybe not so bad, but is totally not in the right tone at all. I sound like a total idiot in it but at least maybe it makes sense, or the fact that it doesn't make sense makes sense. Wow, I can't even write this, I am hopeless. All nighters are fun and so satisfying! i think I might watch a movie in a few hours.

I am going to rewrite my paper on Bob Dylan tomorrow and I am going to fail miserably. Don't question it, because I know for a fact that I will. But I am going to fail better than I did the first time.

edit: The previous statement is probably not at all true. In all likelihood I will fail worse. I don't even want to write it anymore. Not that I ever did.

The weird thing about literature classes is that you actually end up reading a lot of not good stuff. You're more learning history, like the history of thought kind of, through literature, so even if a book is total crap, you have to read it because it has something to say about the society of the time. In contrast, I like writing class because we only read really good things. Because obviously, they want us to earn by example. But the bad thing about writing class is that sometimes you can get to thinking that you can write any crap ideas down and it doesn't matter, as long as you write them down well. My TA actually said that to us the other day, and I lost a lot of respect for him. I guess it makes sense in the context of the class, but in the big picture, it is basically the worst thing you could ever think.

I am silly, but

if I could take the fire out from the wire I'd take you where nooooooo(downbeat!)ooobody knows you and nooobody gives a damn.


it's so wonderful, that downbeat.

so like

I used to drink caramel frapuccinos. gross. But am I the only one that tastes paper when I drink coffee out of a paper cup? I think it is my imagination, plus the fact that coffee kind of tastes like paper anyway.

Last.fm can't tell you this because I took it off my blog for the week, until it stops spreading lies about me. But omg, Devendra Banhart. omg.

Yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed.

I am staying up all night tonight, not so much because I have to, because I could definitely have finished my paper earlier, and it's actually done now, but more because I feel like it. Sometimes, it is nice to just stay up all night. bend the rules a little. Who says I can't eat cotixans at 1 in the morning in the fog and then write a paper and then watch a movie and then proceed to go to class like nothing's wrong? Who says I cant spend half an hour listing every band I have in my music collection on myspace, in an attempt to mock the world but succeeding only in tiring my fingers? and only getting through half anyway? yeah, that's what I thought. Time to watch pride and prejudice.


edit: that myspace thing was a little bit on the crazy side, I have to admit. Just now when i went to go look at it, i realized I had used the word "expected" instead of "suspected." wow, pathetic. but I am leaving it up for the time being cause it was a lot of work. Also, pride and prejudice was amazing. Sometimes I honestly don't know what jane austen is thinking. she writes this whole long novel about these two people getting together, and then you finally get to the end and she doesnt even give you the dialogue, usually, of how he propses to her. If she does, it's always anticlimactic and boring. I mean COME ON. throw me a bone, jane. i stick with you through 200 pages and for what? luckily, though, we have the movies to fix that for us. and this new pride and prejudice is, i think, the most romantic thing I have ever seen, except for gone with the wind, which was a book. so, yeah.

Oh my gosh last.fm is soooo laaaaame aahhhhhwikbvqlekbjn I hate yoooooooou. I DID NOT LISTEN TO 63 SONGS BY BRIGHT EYES LAST WEEK! I distinctly remember listening to TWO songs before becoming disgusted and depressed and turning it off! I must have hit mute! Woe is me!!!!!! I am so upset. I am pretty sure I didn't listen to bob dylan that much either, but that's not as bad.


edit: the proof is that I didn't listen to brian wilson either! I couldn't even name one song off that album if I had to. but brian wilson comes after bright eyes! phew. I feel vindicated. even though nobody has even questioned me...yet!

This is what i think about every morning on my way to german

I would like to make a garden state-esque type movie with me as the main character, only played by someone cuter. You know, a coming of age type thing with a really good soundtrack. I would make the whole entire movie just so that the very last scene could be me, breaking into dance on Muir field, while "I'll Believe in Anything" plays. My problem would be resolved, and I would walk off with a slight smile on my face just as the song began. As the drums come in and my smile would get bigger, I would maybe even laugh a little, and the camera would be facing me as I walked with this stupid grin on my face for a little bit. By the time the vocals came in I would running accross the grass, doing a silly flailing-arms-in-the-air-and-hopping-and-turning-in-a-circle type dance. The song continues to play as the camera pans out, eventually showing all the people walking by on their way to class like nothing's wrong, and then the whole muir/revelle area, finally cutting to credits around the end of the first verse. people would turn to each other and say "That was good," and they would stay for the credits so they could enjoy the rest of the song, and also because the movie was so good that they need a few minutes to absorb it. As the other amazing, yet slightly more toned down, indie song (maybe the first half of winter's love? no, no, but something like it.) began to play, they would stand up, stretch, and head toward the exit, and would spend the rest of the night drinking coffee at Denny's.

Literature is strewn with the wreckage of men who have minded beyond reason the opinion of others.

If you look at the kinds of posts I have been posting the last couple weeks, you will get a good idea of how busy I have been. I have thus far managed to not get very stressed and overwhelmed, which I am proud of, and I hope I can continue that. But man, I am so tired. It just doesn't end, not even for one day, you know? not even on weekends. not even on my birthday. gotta keep on trucking. The only thing that bothers me is that now that I'm really a lit major, I feel like I spend too much time reading about life and not enough time actually living it. It's a strange thing though, because it's not like while I am reading I cease to exist. Reading itself is an experience that is part of real life. But sometimes, for obvious reasons, it doesn't feel like it. I cannot be content to simply read and apreciate other people's work. Reading has always been for me a kind of research. If I like something, I make a mental note to do something like that someday (not just like it, but something like it). If I don't like something, I lose respect for the writer and promise myself never to write anything like it. What I'm trying to say is that I read a lot now under the assumption that someday it will be someone else who is reading me. This assumption is what makes it OK forme to spend so much of my life reading. It's what gives my education, at least for the time being, a purpose. I do not plan to always be reading, but for now, it is the best thing I can think of to do. And maybe that's why I don't get too stressed these days.

On an almost related note, A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf is amaaaaaaazing. I'm not even kidding you, I feel so enlightened. I feel so inspired. I feel so ashamed. Here is the feeling I was trying to describe a few days ago about that mountain goats song:

... the beauty of the world which is soon to perish, has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder.

uuuuuadfjghbrgiuruuuuughkjsdfngkafg I am such a failure.

zum geburstag viel gluck

I had a wonderful birthday. My friends are amazing and my family is amazinger and running through the hallways of old hotels makes for good times. More on this later, if I still feel like it's interesting.


edit: I have thought about it and decidced it's not that interesting. but here is a picture of me spinning down an extremely wide hallway!