Sometimes I get really scared about going away and I tell myself that it's not that big of a deal and that people do this kind of thing all the time, but I don't think that's actually true. Most people never actually go out on their own. A lot of people have never been somewhere where they don't know anybody. A lot of people have never lived by themselves, even for a few months. Thinking about this makes me feel really scared, obviously, because nobody likes to be alone. But I also feel incredibly lucky that I happen to have this (insert positive but not cliche noun here) that not many other people have. Mainly because, how can you ever become yourself if you're never truly alone? You need to be far away from people so that you have space to get bigger, I think. And everybody knows that growing is painful, so I am trying not to worry too much about it.
"Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning ot grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great." -Rilke
Freitag, August 31
No wonder he hung out with poor people so much
Tonight Josh Santee and I were talking about some shirt on threadless that depicts Jesus on a hanglider and says "What wouldn't Jesus do?" Naturally we started trying to think of things that Jesus wouldn't want to do, and at first it seemed like the list wouldn't be very long. I brought up the example of if we were to ask Jesus if he'd like to go get some Taco Bell. "He would probably be down for that," I said. But then it occured to us that Taco Bell most likely exploits immigrants or uses meat from animals who are treated very badly. After that we realized that most of the things that we middle-class Americans do probably indirectly hurt someone, somehwere. Even just driving around hurts the environment and therefore all of mankind. Thus, in today's world, Jesus would be pretty hard pressed to think of something he could do that isn't somehow sinful, besides maybe sitting around in the mountains alone reading the bible, which I think is acually worse, with all this bad stuff in the world that needs fixing. In short, as Josh so eloquently put it, it's a pretty sad moment when you realize that Jesus pretty much wouldn't be down for anything you do on a day-to-day basis. Chew on that, friends.
Donnerstag, August 30
Love the sinner, hate the sin
Tonight while driving home from LA I realized that I love freeways. I really do. The idea of them makes me happy. You can just get on one and go and go, you don't have to think, you just follow the lines for as long as you like, and when you feel like stopping, you just get off, and when you feel like going again, it's there waiting for you.
And then there are the signs! Oh, the signs, constantly imforming you of all your different and exciting options. If, for example, you are following google maps directions and know what you're doing, you can choose between east or west. But if you are more free spirited, you can decide by which city you want to go in the general direction of. You might one day decide that you would like to go towards sacramento for a while and hop on the five north, but if you change your mind along the way and want to head out to santa monica, there's always the 10 west, or for pasadena you could take the 110 OR the 210! If the people at the greek theater make you go out the back way, through the hills, which spits you out in the middle of hollywood instead of onto the 5, it's ok, cause you can just hop right on the 101 and it takes you to exactly the same place! The possibilities are endless. Oh, the 10-15 interchange is closed, you say? Doesn't bother me! I can just get off on etiwanda! Oh no, I didn't merge over far enough and am about to exit on Wilshire! Wait just one minute kiddo, we have this handy just-keep-going-straight-and-get-right-back on-the-freeway thingy for people with just your problem.
Oh, freeways. So infinitely satisfying. The more comlicated, the better, I say. These Inland empire ones are a little on the boring side-- exits always on the right, and onramp for every offramp, logical interhcnaged, smooth pavement. Give me a sign that makes my mouth hang open in utter bewilderment, tell me to cross over four lanes in 30 seconds, make me try to hold my breath while going through a long tunnel in rush hour traffic. Now that's my idea of a good driving experience.
Don't misunderstand me; I still loathe traffice, pollution, car accidents, and things like that. But man do I love freeways.
And then there are the signs! Oh, the signs, constantly imforming you of all your different and exciting options. If, for example, you are following google maps directions and know what you're doing, you can choose between east or west. But if you are more free spirited, you can decide by which city you want to go in the general direction of. You might one day decide that you would like to go towards sacramento for a while and hop on the five north, but if you change your mind along the way and want to head out to santa monica, there's always the 10 west, or for pasadena you could take the 110 OR the 210! If the people at the greek theater make you go out the back way, through the hills, which spits you out in the middle of hollywood instead of onto the 5, it's ok, cause you can just hop right on the 101 and it takes you to exactly the same place! The possibilities are endless. Oh, the 10-15 interchange is closed, you say? Doesn't bother me! I can just get off on etiwanda! Oh no, I didn't merge over far enough and am about to exit on Wilshire! Wait just one minute kiddo, we have this handy just-keep-going-straight-and-get-right-back on-the-freeway thingy for people with just your problem.
Oh, freeways. So infinitely satisfying. The more comlicated, the better, I say. These Inland empire ones are a little on the boring side-- exits always on the right, and onramp for every offramp, logical interhcnaged, smooth pavement. Give me a sign that makes my mouth hang open in utter bewilderment, tell me to cross over four lanes in 30 seconds, make me try to hold my breath while going through a long tunnel in rush hour traffic. Now that's my idea of a good driving experience.
Don't misunderstand me; I still loathe traffice, pollution, car accidents, and things like that. But man do I love freeways.
Mittwoch, August 29
Dear world,
Do not order the medium at pinkberry. You really get pretty much the same amount of yogurt as the small.
Today I got a really cool and humongous backpack to use as a carry-on and also for weekend trips and such. It is brown and has a big wave on it and kind of looks army-surplus-ish.
I also got a haircut.
Tomorrow is Wilco. Woooo! Not looking forward to the LA traffic though, I've had quite enough of that recently. I am hoping ot dodge most of it by hanging out at USC with my sister for a while. Did you know that at USC you arent allowed to swipe your friends in the dining hall? SHOCKING. I plan to find a way around that, though, definitely.
edit: You actually are allowed to swipe your friends. My mom just doesn't know what's up.
Today I got a really cool and humongous backpack to use as a carry-on and also for weekend trips and such. It is brown and has a big wave on it and kind of looks army-surplus-ish.
I also got a haircut.
Tomorrow is Wilco. Woooo! Not looking forward to the LA traffic though, I've had quite enough of that recently. I am hoping ot dodge most of it by hanging out at USC with my sister for a while. Did you know that at USC you arent allowed to swipe your friends in the dining hall? SHOCKING. I plan to find a way around that, though, definitely.
edit: You actually are allowed to swipe your friends. My mom just doesn't know what's up.
Sonntag, August 26
OK, so this is what I have been wondering. Say you're in a cold climate and you go to a club or something. What do you wear? Do you just freeze your ass off in your tank top? Or do you wear a sweater inside the club? What do you do with your jacket? Do they have like a coat check or something? Do you stip off like 5 layers once you get inside? This is an infinitely perplexing matter to a person who neither lives in a cold climate nor goes clubbing.
Today we went to pinkberry. It was pretty delicious, in my opinion. Pretty freaking delicious. Afterwards there wasn't anything to do so we went to dennys, which was not nearly as delicious. Not for me, anyway. I just ordered coffee. In other news, my throat kind of hurts, and I am afraid I might be getting sick. Now I am going to continue to read Of Human Bondage, the slowest book ever written. I honestly don't know why, of all the books I've started to read this summer, this is the one I chose to actually finish. What the crap. Too late to turn back now. Still got 250 pages to go, though.
Today we went to pinkberry. It was pretty delicious, in my opinion. Pretty freaking delicious. Afterwards there wasn't anything to do so we went to dennys, which was not nearly as delicious. Not for me, anyway. I just ordered coffee. In other news, my throat kind of hurts, and I am afraid I might be getting sick. Now I am going to continue to read Of Human Bondage, the slowest book ever written. I honestly don't know why, of all the books I've started to read this summer, this is the one I chose to actually finish. What the crap. Too late to turn back now. Still got 250 pages to go, though.
Donnerstag, August 23
Dienstag, August 21
Holy crap.
It's in the 60s and raining in London right now. IT'S AUGUST! Holy crap.
edit: I also found out that my housing form thingy made it to london in time and I do in fact have a place to live. I said that like it was an update on something I had been talking about before, but it's not really, because I was having a private freak-out session in my head about it and I was so incredibly freaked out that I couldn't even voice my concern for fear of it coming true. But now I can tell you that I had to mail in this slip saying that I wanted to accept the housing they offered me, and I was deathly afraid that it hadn't reached them, but was too afraid to call and see if it had in case it hadn't. This is too complicated. I am not homeless in a foreign land. Everything is ok.
another edit: my little sister is moving in to college tomorrow! Crazy!
edit: I also found out that my housing form thingy made it to london in time and I do in fact have a place to live. I said that like it was an update on something I had been talking about before, but it's not really, because I was having a private freak-out session in my head about it and I was so incredibly freaked out that I couldn't even voice my concern for fear of it coming true. But now I can tell you that I had to mail in this slip saying that I wanted to accept the housing they offered me, and I was deathly afraid that it hadn't reached them, but was too afraid to call and see if it had in case it hadn't. This is too complicated. I am not homeless in a foreign land. Everything is ok.
another edit: my little sister is moving in to college tomorrow! Crazy!
Montag, August 20
Guess what guys.
I called England just now! And now I have a place to stay before and after my orientation. Phew! Now if only I can get all this money and housing stuff settled... But I'll worry about that tomorrow, at Tara!
Went down to see Yasha this weekend. I've never seen San Diego so hot and humid before, but it was good times anyway. I ate a lot of bomb food and hung out with the Kristin/Moises/Jack unit (Jack is the dog but you'd never know it the way they spoil him) and met Yasha's mom and acted as driving instructor for a little while. Also we hit up the MOCA and they had a really cool exhibit of this guy who makes pictures out of stuff like toy soldiers, sugar, peanut butter and jelly, ashes, ketchup, dirt, etc. I dunno about from an artistic standpoint, but it was really fun to look at.
I watched sarah z's first video blog and it was really cute so I am thinking of starting my own! D-day is fast approaching and I'm so excited and scared that it's becoming hard to tell the difference. Either way my stomach is not pleased. Yikes!
p.s. check out yasha'a blog for pictures
Went down to see Yasha this weekend. I've never seen San Diego so hot and humid before, but it was good times anyway. I ate a lot of bomb food and hung out with the Kristin/Moises/Jack unit (Jack is the dog but you'd never know it the way they spoil him) and met Yasha's mom and acted as driving instructor for a little while. Also we hit up the MOCA and they had a really cool exhibit of this guy who makes pictures out of stuff like toy soldiers, sugar, peanut butter and jelly, ashes, ketchup, dirt, etc. I dunno about from an artistic standpoint, but it was really fun to look at.
I watched sarah z's first video blog and it was really cute so I am thinking of starting my own! D-day is fast approaching and I'm so excited and scared that it's becoming hard to tell the difference. Either way my stomach is not pleased. Yikes!
p.s. check out yasha'a blog for pictures
Freitag, August 10
Since my week has been so busy I will just make a list:
Biking
Tanning
Eating Breakfast
Reading
Rafting
Eating ice cream (multiple times per day)
Taking pictures
Scratching mosquito bites (10)
Hot tubbing
Smelling pine trees (their bark smells like vanilla!)
Picking wild flowers
Hanging out with deer
No, I am not making this up.
So far we have been staying in a resortish type place in central oregon. It is very naturey and pinetreey. Like for example I was sitting out on the patio one morning enjoying my breakfast and a baby deer scampered on by! At the time I was pretty stoked about it, but by now I am used to the deer. They're everywhere! They jump out of bushes when you ride by on your bike, lay in the shade looking cute, and generally just stand around munching on leaves everywhere. One let me and my brother get within three feet of her! It was amazing. But no bears, unfortunately. I was thinking of leaving some bait outside for them but was informed that such a thing is considered a criminal offense. Oh well. Tomorrow I am going to watch while my sister and others ride horses, then go to a BBQ at the Egglestons (old family friends). On Saturday we leave Sunriver and go to Portland for a night (cool!). Sunday we head down to Roseberg to visit with the family who didn't come on the trip. I will be home late Monday night.
Must go. Too hard to type and scratch at the same time. Why mosqitoes, why? Why me?! Mental note: Eat more garlic.
PS, did you know that llamas act as guard dogs and will kick the crap out of cayotes who try to come onto your property? Tiiiight. Apparently my brother and I were all wrong when we wrote these lyrics:
central oregon has llamas
falalalalalalalala
they're a mix of sheep and camels
falalalalalalalala
don we now our llama sweaters
falalalalalalalala
milk them, make cheese, put on taco
falalalalalalalala
Biking
Tanning
Eating Breakfast
Reading
Rafting
Eating ice cream (multiple times per day)
Taking pictures
Scratching mosquito bites (10)
Hot tubbing
Smelling pine trees (their bark smells like vanilla!)
Picking wild flowers
Hanging out with deer
No, I am not making this up.
So far we have been staying in a resortish type place in central oregon. It is very naturey and pinetreey. Like for example I was sitting out on the patio one morning enjoying my breakfast and a baby deer scampered on by! At the time I was pretty stoked about it, but by now I am used to the deer. They're everywhere! They jump out of bushes when you ride by on your bike, lay in the shade looking cute, and generally just stand around munching on leaves everywhere. One let me and my brother get within three feet of her! It was amazing. But no bears, unfortunately. I was thinking of leaving some bait outside for them but was informed that such a thing is considered a criminal offense. Oh well. Tomorrow I am going to watch while my sister and others ride horses, then go to a BBQ at the Egglestons (old family friends). On Saturday we leave Sunriver and go to Portland for a night (cool!). Sunday we head down to Roseberg to visit with the family who didn't come on the trip. I will be home late Monday night.
Must go. Too hard to type and scratch at the same time. Why mosqitoes, why? Why me?! Mental note: Eat more garlic.
PS, did you know that llamas act as guard dogs and will kick the crap out of cayotes who try to come onto your property? Tiiiight. Apparently my brother and I were all wrong when we wrote these lyrics:
central oregon has llamas
falalalalalalalala
they're a mix of sheep and camels
falalalalalalalala
don we now our llama sweaters
falalalalalalalala
milk them, make cheese, put on taco
falalalalalalalala
Samstag, August 4
Ooooh this is fun. Please direct your attention the the bottom right hand corner of this webpage, where you will see (I hope) my brand new poll! And vote, obviously. I have allowed multiple answers, but I fear this may make the poll ineffective, so only answer twice if you are voting for a combination of two, not just because you are indecisive! And you can comment here if you have further hair advice to give. And I don't want any negative nancies messing it up either! You know who you are.
Oh, and the thing at the top of the sidebar is one that got messed up, so just ignore it until blogger will let me delete it. Looks like they've got some kinks to work out on this new feature.
Oh, and the thing at the top of the sidebar is one that got messed up, so just ignore it until blogger will let me delete it. Looks like they've got some kinks to work out on this new feature.
Freitag, August 3
Am going to oregon tomorrow morning. Have not yet decided if I'm bringing my computer or not, but am leaning towards no. Am currently reading Bridget Jones's Diary. Is quite good. Has inspired me to drop use of all subjects, as seem entirely unnecessary and are implied by verb form anyway. Articles too. Completely useless. Am also excited by possibility of whitewater rafting while in oregon. Is basically the most fun thing ever invented. Hope to see a llama or two and get a nice dark tan to impress the brits.
Donnerstag, August 2
!!!!!
I got my orientation schedule today and I am so excited. Basically it's like the best orientation I have ever heard of. I get to go on a tour of the parliament buildng, see a shakespeare play at the globe, take a cruise down the thames, go on a bus tour, and even go on a pub crawl to all the pubs where writers used to hang out. Ahhhh so exciting! It's like they designed it specially for me. Every time I have seen the parliament building on TV or movies, I have always wished I could go inside it! I didn't even know you were allowed to go in! And the globe! And the writers! I am so glad I get to be a tourist for my first three days and see all the sights. And I will get to meet the other UC kids going to Kings, which will be a huge relief. I hope we get along so I will have some american friends. OMG soooooo excited!
Also, I am now coming home for Christmas break, which will be nice. I am also hopefully gonna do some traveling with charlene and sarah, if things go as planned. Awesome!
Also, I am now coming home for Christmas break, which will be nice. I am also hopefully gonna do some traveling with charlene and sarah, if things go as planned. Awesome!
Mittwoch, August 1
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