Is it wrong to be secretly glad when coffee spills all over your poetry reader? (related: is there such a thing as an accident? think: there's a boy in the girl's bathroom)
also: Is it wrong to know your poem will be misunderstood and yet not change it just so you can feel complicated?
also: Is it wrong to bend your notebook back and forth for the length of an entire poetry reading, so that it feels more broken in? (Same question applies to purposely scuffing up converse tennis shoes.)
new topic: Some people are really easy to make fun of. Are these the best people, or the worst?
note to reader: Don't misunderstand me, at least not willfully.
Posts mit dem Label musing werden angezeigt. Alle Posts anzeigen
Posts mit dem Label musing werden angezeigt. Alle Posts anzeigen
Mittwoch, Mai 30
Mittwoch, März 28
The thing about the Mountain Goats' "Get Lonely" is that I feel like I could have done it myself. "But you didn't," you say. No, wait, no, that was me. I said that. And it's quite a valid point, I think. But thinking you could have done it yourself is still one step down from awe and amazement. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Ok, wait, I figured it out. It's that the argument "But you didn't" doesn't really go far, because, well, I still could have. It's still the ones you're in awe of that are really the best, I think. At this moment, I think that. Ask me again later.
edit: or does the fact that you didn't imply that you couldn't have? I suppose it probably does, but then, just the fact that you are even thinking that you could have says a lot about the thing you supposedly could have done.
edit: or does the fact that you didn't imply that you couldn't have? I suppose it probably does, but then, just the fact that you are even thinking that you could have says a lot about the thing you supposedly could have done.
Donnerstag, Dezember 28
If you run, he will chase you
I haven't been writing in this thing because I have been playing my banjo instead. Basically I only have time in the day for sleeping, hanging out with people, and one other thing. Usually that one other thing is the computer. But this week it is banjo. I don't actually know of many musicians that play the banjo so I have been working on some easy sufjan songs. Like "It's Christmas! Lets be Glad!" which only has 2 chords until you get to the chorus, which is where I stop, and also "Seven Swans" which is nice and slow and features chords which are close together and not that hard. I think I have improved a litle bit. At any rate, I have memorized a lot of chords, which is a good start I guess, even if they sound like crap when I actually play them. Does anyone have advice about howto go about learning a string instrument? Do you just learn a bunch of songs and figure out chords and technique as you go along? Or do you learn chords and technique and then pick songs you know you can play? Do you learn theory first, or last? Do you learn to read sheet music or tabs? I have never taught myself an instument before so this is all new to me.
I think that playing music is probably one of the most frustrating things to do, but also one of the most rewarding when you finally get something right. I remember playing fast runs over and over and over again in marching band until my forearms burned and my hands cramped up and I had blisters between my fingers, sometimes because I was forced to but sometimes out of my own free will. Even then I would just keep getting it wrong over and over again until I felt like crying. The thing is that improvement in music is so painstakingly gradual that you rarely notice it has taken place at all unless you actually take a second to think about how badly you sucked before. But I just wish I could be really good at like 5 instuments RIGHT NOW. Sigh, why didn't I start sooner?
I think that playing music is probably one of the most frustrating things to do, but also one of the most rewarding when you finally get something right. I remember playing fast runs over and over and over again in marching band until my forearms burned and my hands cramped up and I had blisters between my fingers, sometimes because I was forced to but sometimes out of my own free will. Even then I would just keep getting it wrong over and over again until I felt like crying. The thing is that improvement in music is so painstakingly gradual that you rarely notice it has taken place at all unless you actually take a second to think about how badly you sucked before. But I just wish I could be really good at like 5 instuments RIGHT NOW. Sigh, why didn't I start sooner?
Samstag, Dezember 23
things I do not understand
german people liking hasslehoff not in an ironic way
marching band instructors
tom waits, castanets, mogwai
the internets
marching band instructors
tom waits, castanets, mogwai
the internets
Dienstag, Dezember 19
Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset
For some reason the shins make so much more sense to me in the context of a car. It's probably because that's really the only place I have listened to them over the years. I have a very limited CD collection, you see, so the shins get a lot of play, and after having beaten them into a bloody pulp while driving back and forth in everyday life, I really have no desire to listen to them at home or on my ipod. Anyway, I have been listening to Wincing the Night Away a lot the past few days and being like meh, it's pretty good. But last night while driving around with Josh it was so much better.
As far as I'm concerned, some songs just need some scenery in order for you to understand them. Like one time I was listening to Saeglopur by Sigur Ros while walking across campus on a grey afternoon and watching everyone's faces go by, and suddenly I fell in love with the band, so much so that when my TA happened to ask us in class that day about our favorite music, I almost raised my hand and said Sigur Ros. I had to remind myself that for one thing I would sound like a pretentious asshole, and also that I had only heard two songs by them. Or the time when I sat on a rock at Windansea beach watching the sillhouettes of a father and son play in the waves at sunset, while listening to Anthems for a 17 Year Old Girl by broken social scene. I always liked the song, but at that moment I felt like I got it. Not the lyrics or anything, but something about that banjo and the violins and the way they make you feel.
Or take America by Simon and Garfunkel. It's a great song no matter when you hear it, but doesn't it's greatness just increase exponentially the second you put it in a car? I could be sitting at the intersection next to vons, and suddenly everything becomes so beautiful. All of a sudden those SUVs aren't going to Taco Bell or the ATM. They're looking for America! Aren't we all? You picture yourself on the trip they're describing, Michigan really does seem a dream, you really are empty and aching, and you really don't know why. But it might have to do with you sticking some cheesy mix CD entitled "Crusin Music" into your dashboard.
And then there are the songs that need air. The ones where I feel this inexplicable need to roll down my window and scream out the lyrics to the world. This most often occurs with El Scorcho by Weezer. It just feels so good. And there are songs that sound better driving at night time. The ones that need the contast of the bright lights against the darkness and the speed and the recklessness of the night. I am thinking specifically of Did You See The Words by Animal Collective here. It sounds good right now, but last night, driving, it sounded really good.
It's kind of strange that music should be this way when one considers that it's usually made within the confines of a recording studio. I mean you can't exactly write a song in the fast lane of the 5, and you can't make a decent recording on the beach at sunset. So how do they get that stuff in there? It's a mystery to me. Maybe the song itself is like an empty vessel that we fill up with our own meanings and associations. But I like to think that maybe if the people who made the songs were to see the things I see, they might feel the same way.
So I guess what I need to do is burn myself a copy of wincing the night away, put it in my silly sun visor CD holder thingy, and never bother listening to it in front of this computer screen ever again.
As far as I'm concerned, some songs just need some scenery in order for you to understand them. Like one time I was listening to Saeglopur by Sigur Ros while walking across campus on a grey afternoon and watching everyone's faces go by, and suddenly I fell in love with the band, so much so that when my TA happened to ask us in class that day about our favorite music, I almost raised my hand and said Sigur Ros. I had to remind myself that for one thing I would sound like a pretentious asshole, and also that I had only heard two songs by them. Or the time when I sat on a rock at Windansea beach watching the sillhouettes of a father and son play in the waves at sunset, while listening to Anthems for a 17 Year Old Girl by broken social scene. I always liked the song, but at that moment I felt like I got it. Not the lyrics or anything, but something about that banjo and the violins and the way they make you feel.
Or take America by Simon and Garfunkel. It's a great song no matter when you hear it, but doesn't it's greatness just increase exponentially the second you put it in a car? I could be sitting at the intersection next to vons, and suddenly everything becomes so beautiful. All of a sudden those SUVs aren't going to Taco Bell or the ATM. They're looking for America! Aren't we all? You picture yourself on the trip they're describing, Michigan really does seem a dream, you really are empty and aching, and you really don't know why. But it might have to do with you sticking some cheesy mix CD entitled "Crusin Music" into your dashboard.
And then there are the songs that need air. The ones where I feel this inexplicable need to roll down my window and scream out the lyrics to the world. This most often occurs with El Scorcho by Weezer. It just feels so good. And there are songs that sound better driving at night time. The ones that need the contast of the bright lights against the darkness and the speed and the recklessness of the night. I am thinking specifically of Did You See The Words by Animal Collective here. It sounds good right now, but last night, driving, it sounded really good.
It's kind of strange that music should be this way when one considers that it's usually made within the confines of a recording studio. I mean you can't exactly write a song in the fast lane of the 5, and you can't make a decent recording on the beach at sunset. So how do they get that stuff in there? It's a mystery to me. Maybe the song itself is like an empty vessel that we fill up with our own meanings and associations. But I like to think that maybe if the people who made the songs were to see the things I see, they might feel the same way.
So I guess what I need to do is burn myself a copy of wincing the night away, put it in my silly sun visor CD holder thingy, and never bother listening to it in front of this computer screen ever again.
Mittwoch, Dezember 13
word of the day: taxonomy
I just spent a pretty long time tagging my old blogs. I have a lot of posts about music and a lot of posts about complaining. I feel ok about the former but ashamed of the later. I guess I have something to work on. Anyway I had just been thinking to myself how satisfying tags (or "labels," according to Blogger) are, how they let you divide your thoughts into categories and make everything nice and seperate but also linked. And it was kind of funny, cause then I decided to check on the asthmatic kitty sidebar and was greeted by a new
essay that was partly about the very same idea, only much more thougtful, wise, and well-written. Sigh, I suck.
essay that was partly about the very same idea, only much more thougtful, wise, and well-written. Sigh, I suck.
Mittwoch, Dezember 6
Homeward Bound
...is not only a really dumb movie about dogs, but will be me, tomorrow! It doesn't feel like the quarter is over, but I suppose it is. I guess I won't be seeing my school friends for a whole month, which is kind of weird, but not really. I think a lot of times we try to make a big deal of things like this because it makes us feel like our lives are more meaningful or something. I won't see my friends for a month, and then I will see them again. Oh well. There are more important things to make big deals about (yes, this is blatant hypocrisy, or maybe just a dis on my friends?). Namely, Christmas and traveling. I think I am going to watch Elf later to get myself in the spirit of things, because if there's one thing that will knock the jolliness right out of you, it's finals week.
Freitag, November 24
movie review: Waiting
The movie is about people who work in a restaraunt. It is full of very clever observations about what it is like to work in a restaraunt and the various kinds of relationships and dynamics that exist in such a setting. It's the kind of movie where you slap your knee and say "It's so true!." I know this because, like most people, I have had the amazing good fortune to have worked in a restaraunt at some point in my life. It was only for a couple of months, but that was enough for me. And basically my overall reaction to the entire experience was something along the lines of "So this is what the real world is like. Thank goodness I don't actually have to live in it." And that has basically been my opinion on the matter ever since-- there are people out there to whom waiting tables is their life. Tips and undercooked steakes and soda spills and rude customers are real problems to them, because that is how they supposrt their families and pay for school and get through the day and that is their life. I thought to myself that theirs were the real problems, and my problems were somehow more frivolous and selfish in comparisson. My papers and finals and beer pong were a product of my sheltered, priveleged existance. Basically I saw myself as in the bubble, while the whole rest of the world was outside it. But as I watched the movie Waiting, it started to occur to me that maybe everyone has their own bubble. Maybe the world is really more like a bunch of bubbles all squished together, and it is rare that anyone peer through their plastic walls into the others. We college students give ourselves a hard time about it, and we should, but what we shouldn't do it assume that we are the only ones guilty of this sin. Because I think that in the end, a civil war, a ten percent tip, and a midterm all amount to about the same. This may or may not be true.
Sonntag, November 19
Last night I french braided my hair for the first time ever. I was sitting there on the couch, talking to my friends, and I just did it. It looked like shit basically, but I did it. And then I felt really bad because all my life I've been operating under the assumption that I am not capable of french-braiding. As if it were some special gift granted to only a few lucky girls. It's like this:
"Can you french braid?"
"No, but so and so can, ask her"
"My mom always does it for me, I can't do it"
"I can only do it on myself."
"I wish I knew how"
"Can you french braid?"
When really all you have to do is try. And I think that a lot fo things in life are similar. We assume that just because we haven't been doing them our whole lives, we can't begin to do them now. We act as if, at nineteen, we are so set in our ways that it's hopeless to try new things. It's too late to learn to play an instrument, it's too late to change my major, it's too late to make new friends, too late to learn to surf,too late to start excercising, too late to start going to church, too late, too late, too late. But really we're only nineteen, and all we have to do is try.
"Can you french braid?"
"No, but so and so can, ask her"
"My mom always does it for me, I can't do it"
"I can only do it on myself."
"I wish I knew how"
"Can you french braid?"
When really all you have to do is try. And I think that a lot fo things in life are similar. We assume that just because we haven't been doing them our whole lives, we can't begin to do them now. We act as if, at nineteen, we are so set in our ways that it's hopeless to try new things. It's too late to learn to play an instrument, it's too late to change my major, it's too late to make new friends, too late to learn to surf,too late to start excercising, too late to start going to church, too late, too late, too late. But really we're only nineteen, and all we have to do is try.
Freitag, November 17
I am having one of those days (weeks?) I sometimes have in which I think that everyone I know has a way cooler, or funner, or just generally better, life than I do. Last night three of my roommates went out to various parties. I got off work at 9, watched TV, did minimal homework, and mostly just sat around with yasha mourning over the caliber of guys we come into contact with on a daily basis as opposed to that of Sufjan Stevens. Needless to say we got really depressed about that, and such was the state of things when anu and sarah got home from their respective parties at around 2:30 AM. I suppose this is not the sort of venue to be revealing other's potential secrets, but suffice it to say that the two of them, and especially sarah, had evenings that were much more exciting than, say, german pronoun endings and [half of] greys anatomy. And do you know what Sarah is doing now?! She's ona flight to LONDON. lerijhertgO48IYT48TYsduhrfughufdshgjkfdgwoeisme.
I went on my lunchbreak just now (finally) and do you know what's going on outside the library? A BEER GARDEN. It's 4 PM, I'm listening to death cab for cutie, and outside there are people getting drunk.
But really this is all very silly, because when I think about my life and how I wish it were, scenes of drunken dancing and beer pong are not what come to mind, no, not at all. What I really want to be doing with myself is maybe driving across country or watching a folk duo perform in a small smoky cafe. More specifically, I would like to explore san diego tonight. But my friends are tired form their busy and interesting weeks, and they rather stay in and watch sex and the city. damn! shot down!
Wow, I am pathetic. I predict that this blog will be deleted within the hour.
I went on my lunchbreak just now (finally) and do you know what's going on outside the library? A BEER GARDEN. It's 4 PM, I'm listening to death cab for cutie, and outside there are people getting drunk.
But really this is all very silly, because when I think about my life and how I wish it were, scenes of drunken dancing and beer pong are not what come to mind, no, not at all. What I really want to be doing with myself is maybe driving across country or watching a folk duo perform in a small smoky cafe. More specifically, I would like to explore san diego tonight. But my friends are tired form their busy and interesting weeks, and they rather stay in and watch sex and the city. damn! shot down!
Wow, I am pathetic. I predict that this blog will be deleted within the hour.
Donnerstag, November 16
My job is easy.
I have realized lately that I often sort of sleepwalk my way through life. I wonder how things would be different for me if I could just get to bed at a decent hour? Better? Worse? It doesn't really matter and I will probably never know anyway, because sleeping at night is so freaking harrrrrrd.
Oh, also, I sleepwalk for real. Like, you know, in my sleep. And talk too, a lot. So I suppose you could say I am rarely fully awake or asleep. INteresting.
Oh, also, I sleepwalk for real. Like, you know, in my sleep. And talk too, a lot. So I suppose you could say I am rarely fully awake or asleep. INteresting.
Dienstag, November 14
Donnerstag, November 9
Some thoughts on the recent election, which are most definitely not mine, but belong rather to our good friend Henry David Thoreau.
(normally I would have reworded this and pretended like I had thought of it all on my own, but beside the obvious fact that it would have been immoral and also quite pathetic to do so, I really don't have the time and energy for it right now)
"...All voting is a sort of gaming, like checkers or backgammon, with a slight moral tinge to it, a playing with right and wrong, with moral questions, and betting naturally accompanies it. The character of the voters is not staked. I cast my vote, perchance, as I think right; but I am not vitally concerned that that right should prevail. I am willing to leave it to the majority. Its obligation, therefore, never exceeds that of expediency. Even voting for the right is doing nothing for it. It is only expressing to men feebly your desire that it should prevail. A wise man will not leave the right to the mercy of chance, nor wish it to prevail through the power of the majority. There is but little virtue in the action of masses of men..."
(from "Resistance to Civil Government," aka "Civil Disobedience")
True, true. But I am willing to bet that even Ghandi himself skimmed Civil Disobedience.
"...All voting is a sort of gaming, like checkers or backgammon, with a slight moral tinge to it, a playing with right and wrong, with moral questions, and betting naturally accompanies it. The character of the voters is not staked. I cast my vote, perchance, as I think right; but I am not vitally concerned that that right should prevail. I am willing to leave it to the majority. Its obligation, therefore, never exceeds that of expediency. Even voting for the right is doing nothing for it. It is only expressing to men feebly your desire that it should prevail. A wise man will not leave the right to the mercy of chance, nor wish it to prevail through the power of the majority. There is but little virtue in the action of masses of men..."
(from "Resistance to Civil Government," aka "Civil Disobedience")
True, true. But I am willing to bet that even Ghandi himself skimmed Civil Disobedience.
Dienstag, Oktober 31
Blog Review: Sidebar
Has anyone else been reading the new "sidebar" feature on asthmatickitty.com lately? It's great! It's basically just a joint blog of everyone involved in the company, where people post album reviews, tour diaries, sports stuff, and other such nonsense from all over the country. I really like asthmatic kitty cause you get the impression that it's just a group of friends and friends of friends and acquaintances, all helping each other out towards the common goal of making some decent music. It's kind of a testament to what a small group of friends can do if they just try to make something of their talents. Also I like how they let us into their circle and make us feel like we are a part of something cozy and nice. The sidebar is a perfect example of this. We get to hear about how the Castanets had a shitty show in manchester, or what the best foods in cincinati are, or whether the new exibit in san fran is cool or not. Even though the reader may not be able to relate in any way to any of the thngs being written about, it still gives you a little glimpse into life and that is fun. That's kind of the point of blogs, isn't it? But the cool thing about this one is you get to see so many different lives and experiences converging in one place. Anyway if you haven't checked it out you really should, and make sure and take a moment to appreciate the inclusion of "An Inconvenient Truth" in Sufjan Stevens's list of his favorite horror films.
Oh yeah and also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG the new songs for christmas are up online and I am not computer savy and dont know how to save them to my computer but I am soososososososososos excited nonetheless and I am preordering the actual album as soon as I am done writing this and I can't freaking wait to get it and dear Santa please pleaseplease bring me a banjo I promise I will learn to play it with the help of Sufjan's christmas song book and I will be rocking out to bring a torch jeanette isabella in no time i swear!!!!!!!!!
Midterm tomorrow. Woops!
Oh yeah and also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG the new songs for christmas are up online and I am not computer savy and dont know how to save them to my computer but I am soososososososososos excited nonetheless and I am preordering the actual album as soon as I am done writing this and I can't freaking wait to get it and dear Santa please pleaseplease bring me a banjo I promise I will learn to play it with the help of Sufjan's christmas song book and I will be rocking out to bring a torch jeanette isabella in no time i swear!!!!!!!!!
Midterm tomorrow. Woops!
Montag, Oktober 30
I will not eat them, Sam I Am!
Hmm, so the main reason I am posting this blog is because I just realized you could upload photos through blogger without having to go through photobucket and that's like sooooo exciting. I feel really dumb for not realizing this when I made that really long picture post the other day. Anyway this is one of my favorites from Halloween weekend, me and charlene laughing at jake's crotch. It looked really funny, trust me, you had to be there. The parties we went to were kind of lame, like all parties are, but I got to talk to a few random guys and so that was fun. I am getting really good at talking to strangers. I guess I may have picked this up from Sarah last year, cause that's basically her specialty, or maybe I am just more self confident than I used to be. But really, meeting people is fun. And like Anu said, sometimes it's nice to just have a short interaction and never see them again, because that way you dont have a chance to realize that they're not as cool as they seem. Meeting people randomly and having short little conversations with them makes you feel like humanity is pretty ok, whereas long term relationships make you kind of depressed and disappointed a lot of the time. I suppose this came out more depressing than I wanted it to, but please don't take it that way. I meant it to be uplifting. I guess that says something about my character. This is getting awkward...
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