Sometimes I get really scared about going away and I tell myself that it's not that big of a deal and that people do this kind of thing all the time, but I don't think that's actually true. Most people never actually go out on their own. A lot of people have never been somewhere where they don't know anybody. A lot of people have never lived by themselves, even for a few months. Thinking about this makes me feel really scared, obviously, because nobody likes to be alone. But I also feel incredibly lucky that I happen to have this (insert positive but not cliche noun here) that not many other people have. Mainly because, how can you ever become yourself if you're never truly alone? You need to be far away from people so that you have space to get bigger, I think. And everybody knows that growing is painful, so I am trying not to worry too much about it.
"Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning ot grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great." -Rilke
4 Kommentare:
Growing IS painful, and most people avoid the pain and they never grow. You are not one of these people. I consider it a privilege to be your mother. I am in the middle of my own growing process right now, trying to figure out my new role as a mother to all adult children. I hope I can find my way with as much grace as you are finding yours.
coming here was scary, but i guess the good part about it is that other people in your program (although there are only a few) are feeling the same thing.
"how can you ever become yourself if you're never truly alone? You need to be far away from people so that you have space to get bigger, I think."
that really hit home, for me personally right now.
Mrs. Ripley is having a mid-life crisis!
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